Warning--This is my rant about mental illness in my own words
Soldier gets sick of this, but I'm posting this anyway.
I have been reflecting on my illness of late. I have so much to say. I just picked up a book about a bipolar girl's "journey" through the illness. After one psychotic episode (granted, it was pretty horrifying) resulting from Paxil, an antidepressant drug, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She was then put on lithium and--TADA!--she was suddenly and completely healed.
Fact 1: Bipolar disorder is a lifetime illness.
Fact 2: There is no cure for this disorder.
So aside from her psychotic episode and one depressive preceding it, what does this woman know about being bipolar? Who is she to represent us?
I am part of an online message board for people with bipolar disorder so I know how it is from listening to hundreds of others. And I know because I've lived it. It has taken away two years of my life. I have tried over 20 different medications over the course, taking me a year and a half to finally find the right ones, because it takes more than one. It's called a cocktail and it usually consists of a mood stabilizer, an antipsychotic, and antidepressant, and sometimes anti-anxity and sleeping medications. In the meantime, I suffered the side effects--weight gain, headaches, fibromyalgia, muscle tremors, blurred vision, racing or palpitating heart, insomnia, nausea, agitation and anxiety, not to mention the increasing of intensity of my episodes. I spent time in the hospital because of an overdose (accidental, doctor's error) and nearly had to commit myself on Christmas day. I suffered the emotional side effects as well, thinking that I've lost myself forever, being unfamiliar with the new person I was becoming. I've lost all of my friends and the support and understanding of my family. But most of all, I live with the illness every minute of every day of my life. It doesn't sleep. I won't list the symptoms ( learn about it here) but just know that just like Sysiphus I roll that rock only for it to come back down. The next day I start again. But at least I start.
I know this is a rant. I know it probably seems like a pitty party. But I have a desperate need to communicate my illness to others and share my experience to plead my case against the ignorant and indifferent world. We suffer. We are fragile. We need help. And that only comes with awareness.
But we can recover. We can't get rid of the illness, but we can keep it at bay. So if you know of someone suffering from a mental illness (depression, anxiety, ADHD, schizophrenia) please be kind. We are fighting and will need your strength to helps us through.
I have been reflecting on my illness of late. I have so much to say. I just picked up a book about a bipolar girl's "journey" through the illness. After one psychotic episode (granted, it was pretty horrifying) resulting from Paxil, an antidepressant drug, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She was then put on lithium and--TADA!--she was suddenly and completely healed.
Fact 1: Bipolar disorder is a lifetime illness.
Fact 2: There is no cure for this disorder.
So aside from her psychotic episode and one depressive preceding it, what does this woman know about being bipolar? Who is she to represent us?
I am part of an online message board for people with bipolar disorder so I know how it is from listening to hundreds of others. And I know because I've lived it. It has taken away two years of my life. I have tried over 20 different medications over the course, taking me a year and a half to finally find the right ones, because it takes more than one. It's called a cocktail and it usually consists of a mood stabilizer, an antipsychotic, and antidepressant, and sometimes anti-anxity and sleeping medications. In the meantime, I suffered the side effects--weight gain, headaches, fibromyalgia, muscle tremors, blurred vision, racing or palpitating heart, insomnia, nausea, agitation and anxiety, not to mention the increasing of intensity of my episodes. I spent time in the hospital because of an overdose (accidental, doctor's error) and nearly had to commit myself on Christmas day. I suffered the emotional side effects as well, thinking that I've lost myself forever, being unfamiliar with the new person I was becoming. I've lost all of my friends and the support and understanding of my family. But most of all, I live with the illness every minute of every day of my life. It doesn't sleep. I won't list the symptoms ( learn about it here) but just know that just like Sysiphus I roll that rock only for it to come back down. The next day I start again. But at least I start.
I know this is a rant. I know it probably seems like a pitty party. But I have a desperate need to communicate my illness to others and share my experience to plead my case against the ignorant and indifferent world. We suffer. We are fragile. We need help. And that only comes with awareness.
But we can recover. We can't get rid of the illness, but we can keep it at bay. So if you know of someone suffering from a mental illness (depression, anxiety, ADHD, schizophrenia) please be kind. We are fighting and will need your strength to helps us through.
posted by Anonymous at 5/03/2006 11:22:00 PM
4 Comments:
Wow, Lizzen. I hope you know that you are a strength to those who don't have it as hard. I don't mean "strength/hero/example" in the cheap, non-descript "oscar winner speech" way. I really do look at you, and what you've described you go through, and I look at what you've accomplished, and how I've seen you "act" (for lack of a better word), and I have to say that you are a true strength to me, as sincerely as I can say through a computer.
My sister is mentally challenged somewhat, which is totally different than having a psychological disease, but at least I can tell you that I know when the brain gets off-balance, things can go really wrong.
You REALLY do an awesome job of being you through it all, from what I've seen. I hope you feel comfortable enough with us to know if you need us, or Amber and I at least, we will do WHATEVER we can.
I hope i wasnt misunderstood. I CARE a lot when other people are depressed. Maybe its a girl thing. But I think girls understand. They understand you feel different from one moment to another and when you are depressed and someone asks why and you say I dont know... we get it. Its just that some people who dont understand things are too ignorant to try to. When someone doesnt understand something and know what to do or how to help they just ignore it. So I guess I should have elaborated. Sorry. I care.And I think you are so brave, and such a good example. My best friend suffers from this as well, or close.. and she is my best friend. I have seen her through every stage and every mood and to be honest a lot of the times I didnt feel much different or that we were different at all. So I guess what I am trying to say is I just wish everyone was more empathetic like you and I wish more people took the time to listen and look beyond the surface at how people are feeling and going through, I am sure you can relate.
And it is nice to know why you and Are Bear are often absent. I think and hope we can become better friends. And you should never feel afraid or uncomfortable around any of us. I think we would all agree on these things.
Well since the cat is out of the bag on the topic of our abscence. I wanted to tell you all, but didn't want to hurt anyone by pointing fingers. I love you guys as my friends, I really do. I also really love Lizzen. She needs some special attention sometimes, and I need to be there for her. I'm really impressed and often to many times I take for granted the progress she has made. She really is the soldier in this scenario. She fights a battle of emotions everyday, and is a true success story. I am glad to be with her, and the strong example that she is. I don't think anyone of us will truely know what hell is hear on earth. But Lizzen has been there, spit on the devil, and walked away. She has so much strength that it's scary sometimes. Hear I am constantly being pulled along beside her. I love it, you are a great example. Keep it up.
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